"Private investigator found my father alive and well!"

[Mary Lynn Warner]

DEAR ABBY: My mother was born and raised in a European country. At 20, she met a young American soldier who was on his way to Vietnam. They had a brief affair, and I was the result.

When I was 6, my mother married my stepfather and we came to the United States. My stepfather tried, but he could not fill the void in my life. My mother refused to answer any questions about my real father or his family. She always told me he was killed in the war.

Last year, I hired a private investigator and found my father alive and well. He was shocked, but happy to hear from me. He did not even know my mother had borne his child. DNA tests confirm I am his daughter. I plan to meet his family and introduce him to mine.

My mother and I are now barely civil toward each other. I cannot understand why she deprived my father and me of knowing each other. She offers no explanation. All the years we missed breaks my heart. How can I forgive her? -- ANONYMOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR ANONYMOUS:
Start by understanding that your mother was and is very angry at your father. She may also have been ashamed about the circumstances of your conception. Although it was wrong of her to lie, until you understand her reasons for doing so, do not judge her.

[Nanak Tekwani]

Originally posted by Mary Lynn Warner

IN INDIA DUE TO SOCIAL STIGMA SUCH CONCEALMENT HAS BEEN HEARD.:(

[William Brassfield]

That's Fantastic!

[May K. Toney]

Anonymous,

Yours is quite a touching story. It's always sad when one feels they must trade one parent's affections for another. This especially hurts when you have no clue as to what brought this about.

But I've learned that you can't judge someone's past based on what you see or know about them today. Unless you were with them and knew the circumstances under which they took a certain action or made a certain decision, you can't know what drove them to do it. To coin a phrase, "Never judge someone else until or unless you've walked a mile in their mocassins."

Who knows all that happened between your mother and father before you were born? The relationship between parents is often totally different from the one they share with their children. Your mother had her reasons for doing what she did. You may have to believe, trust and accept that because she may tell you the whole story. I wouldn't judge or condemn her. After all, she's done all the hard work by loving, raising and providing for you. That, in itself, should warrant the upmost love, respect, trust and loyalty. It's often easier to enter a child's life when all the work is already done.

May I respectfully suggest that you not focus on your parent's past relationship, faults or mistakes. Just count your blessings and make every effort to love, honor, treasure and enjoy them both.

Just my 2/5. God Bless

[Robert Smith -]

That's wonderful.

[Yolanda Quizhpi]

Anonymous,

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure it took alot of strength and courage on your part to come forward and let others know, how you felt about growing up without your biological father. But, now that you met your father, try forgiving your mother for whatever reasons she did not tell you about your father.

You know, most single parents, when they remarried, don't want responsibilities and from your story your step-father was there by your side and helped raise you, at least give him credit for it.

Thank God for Private Investigators... and for those who are working toward their goals, keep up the good work. This is just an example of how we can make a difference on one's life.

[Chad Rapier]

That's a great story. The more I learn about Private Investigation, the more I am amazed how this line of work can touch so many lives. I'm happy for you, and the little bit of additional closure and fulfillment you can now have in your life.

[Mr Jose Bonavich Jr]

Certainly speaks well for the skills of the investigator. :)

[Michael Harris]

This may be good for the PIs, but the writer has some personal problems.

It is sad that he/she would not let the step-father in.

[Diane Jarosz]

The story breaks my heart.
"Every behavior has a reason." Maybe when the girl matures, she will forgive her mom.
I know we all have our own opinions about the story and each are valid.

I truely wish happiness for all involved with this story.

DJ

[Tammy A Nelson]

This was such a touching story.Just another example of how we as P.I.'s can realy make a difference,we don't just have to track down the bad guy.Gives me even more hope,and confidence in knowing that we are a very important resource for society. Congrats to the girl for finding her father,and thanks to the member who posted this story.

[Patrice-Maria Love]

This is a good story with a happy ending. Congratulations to the PI who found the father. I hope the mother and daughter can resolve this conflict and move forward.
The daughter need to have a relationship with both parents.

[Shana L. Pealer -]

That's so wonderful that this PI was able to find her father and bring them together!

[Petra Post]

I understand the writer well. I have been raised by my grandparents and have always known my biological parents. I was told when I was about 16, who my real parents are and found out that there is never a good or bad time to tell this. I went through a lot of different emotions for many years and thanks goodness I can say today, that I do love them both no matter what the reasons were. Today on mothersday, I can only say, that I couldn't have had a better mom to raise me and I am a lucky one because I actually have 3 moms (one of them being my aunt and we are very close)... that's more than some people can say. I hope she (the writer of the story) will learn to forgive one day and enjoy them (including the stepfather) while they are still around.

And... this is one of the reasons why I wanted to become a PI (mostly), the other reason is that my real mom has been a PI for over 20 years and I guess, I will be stepping into her footprints :)

[Prem Prasad]

After reading this story it was great to know that with the help of a PI her father was found. It was a great ending. But the said part was that it was wrong for her to lie.

[Linda Siniff]

Great story!?! Sometimes you need a happy ending

[Osmond McMahon]

Not trying to step on anyone's toes here but....

Yes, this is a very touching story. It is great that she was able to find her biological father and is now getting to know him. It is sad that there are such troublesome feeling on the part of her mother though.

But, I am wondering why almost everyone is focused on the "PI" thing. Yeah, she used a PI to find her father, and sincere congratulations to him/her for doing such a fine job...that much reflects greatly on the profession but, the important thing in there is that these two people were re-united after many years and can now enjoy each other in life...

Don't get me wrong, it is fantastic that she was able to find a PI that was capable of helping her. It just seems like everyone is more excited that it was a PI that helped, rather than what the help really was.

[Victoria S Kinney]

I can relate, I was adopted when I was 9 years old. I found my birth mother about 7 years ago and also found out that I had 4 brothers and a sister and I am the oldest, I never got to meet one of my brothers he passed away. I was angry at first because I lived only about twenty miles from my family. I never got to meet my dad, but I did get to meet his brother who gave me something of my dad's. I still have not found out the truth about alot of things. It doesn't do any good to be angry, you still cannot change anything. Live life now not in the past.